that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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