This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
