Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
