They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
