You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
