I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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