you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
