I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's never too late to be topless.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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