we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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