i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
