I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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