I puked a lego.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
