i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No subtext here. People are naked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
