I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
