mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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