end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
