i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Randomize
