I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
