He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
two words...techno handjob
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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