I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
did i just pee glitter
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
