apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
