we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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