Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
