see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
