no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
