It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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