you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
accomplished twins. life is a go
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
