why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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