me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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