There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
