wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
