I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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