i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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