Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
