I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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