and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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