walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
