Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
