It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
