this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
