i need an iv and a liver transplant
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
