guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
