i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
