11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
