glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
