Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
