hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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