I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
