R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
