When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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