we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh god it's open bar.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
