We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
