all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
