call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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